7 Clear Signs You're Facing Gaslighting at Work

Gaslighting at work isn't just about mind games; It's a strategic manoeuvre some individuals deploy to assert power, dodge accountability, or mask their own insecurities, leaving a staggering 58% of workers feeling undermined and destabilised according to a Twitter poll.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting in the workplace can subtly undermine your confidence, leaving you questioning your reality. It's a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your perceptions, memories, or sanity. 

Originating from a 1930s thriller, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she's losing her mind, gaslighting has since been recognised as a significant issue in various settings, including the workplace.

Why Do People Gaslight at Work?

1. Power Play: Some individuals use gaslighting to establish or maintain a position of power. By making others question their reality, they create a dependency that solidifies their control.

2. Avoiding Accountability: Mistakes happen, but instead of owning up, a gaslighter might manipulate the narrative to escape blame, making others question their own memory or understanding of events.

3. Insecurity Cover-up: Insecurities can drive people to undermine others' confidence. By casting doubt, gaslighters deflect attention from their own shortcomings.

4. Workplace Politics: Gaslighting can be a tactic in office politics, used to discredit rivals or get favour with superiors by casting peers in a negative light.

7 signs of Gaslighting at work

Gaslighting at work can make you feel like you're in a never-ending loop of confusion. Here's how to spot it and take action.

1. Lying

You're certain you completed a task, like leaving a report on your boss's desk, but now they're saying they never got it. Sound familiar? You're not going crazy; this is a classic gaslighting move.

2. Blame & minimisation

When you bring up an issue, suddenly you're the one being questioned. "Why are you so sensitive?" they ask, turning the tables on you or you're told your feelings are the problem, not their actions. 

Shifting Responsibility: "I was just joking" becomes a shield, implying the issue lies in your perception, not their conduct.

1. Stick to "I" Statements: Make it about how the action made you feel rather than accusing them directly. This can sometimes lower defences and prevent escalation. 

2. Seek Clarification: Ask them to explain their joke or comment. Often, having to spell it out makes the inappropriateness clear.

3. Establish Boundaries: Clearly state what is acceptable and what isn't. "Comments like that are hurtful and not okay with me." 

4. Document Everything: Keep a record of what was said and your response. This can be invaluable if the behaviour continues and you need to escalate the issue.

3. Unexpected praise

They offer praise or rewards precisely when you're feeling most doubtful of your own perceptions or value.The positivity feels out of place, not matching your actual accomplishments or the context of your previous interactions. The positive reinforcement is fleeting, quickly reverting back to the usual undermining or dismissive behaviour.

Your professional and emotional well-being should never be contingent on someone else's unpredictable validations. By recognizing the game for what it is, you can start to reclaim your independence and confidence in your professional journey.

5. Constant criticism

Nothing you do seems right, and every day brings more unwarranted criticism. Constant, unwarranted criticism can wear down your confidence.

6. Excluded

Missing out on meetings or not being informed about important updates can make you feel isolated.

7. Selective hearing

They ignore your input in meetings, then act as if you never spoke up.

Navigating Toxic Management and Peer Manipulation

With nearly 30% of bosses displaying toxic behaviors, gaslighting often manifests in various forms, including lack of transparency, inconsistent policy enforcement, and shifting job expectations. Coworker interactions can also be fraught with gaslighting, from credit theft to spreading false narratives. Group dynamics further complicate matters, with collective gaslighting efforts undermining individual contributions and reality.

Toxic Management Tactics

Gaslighting from bosses often includes behaviors designed to keep workers unbalanced and uncertain:

• Lack of Transparency: Inviting an employee to an event without mentioning the dress code, setting them up for embarrassment.

• No Meeting Records: Avoiding documentation of meeting discussions allows bosses to change their stance later, shifting blame onto employees for unmet goals.

• Selective Policy Enforcement: Ignoring employee complaints that could tarnish the company's image while enforcing policies only when beneficial to the business.

• Withholding Information: Deliberately not providing all the details needed for a project, setting employees up for failure.

• Shifting Expectations: Frequently changing goals or job descriptions to blame employees for "underachievement."

Gaslighting Among Coworkers

Subordinates may also engage in gaslighting, often driven by a desire to gain power or advance their position at the expense of others:

• Credit Theft: Claiming a colleague's idea as their own.

• Instigating Conflicts: Twisting words to create tension between colleagues.

• Intimidation Tactics: Threatening to harm a colleague's reputation.

• Spreading False Narratives: Making up damaging stories or accusations.

• Undermining Confidence: Constantly questioning a colleague's methods or the validity of their complaints.

Group Gaslighting Dynamics

Gaslighting can also manifest through collective efforts, blurring the lines between management and subordinates:

• Misleading Meetings: Asking an employee to attend a meeting, then questioning why they're there, with others joining in to doubt the employee's understanding or instructions.

• Project Sabotage: Misinforming a colleague about project details, then shifting blame onto them when expectations aren't met, with the group reinforcing the false narrative.

Real-World Implications

In the workplace, group gaslighting is a real phenomenon. Leyla's case sheds light on the difficulties of tackling Tall Poppy Syndrome, where standout individuals endure criticism, resentment, or undermining from their peers. Gaslighting emerges as a manipulative tactic used by her colleagues to cast doubt on Leyla's competence and abilities in her role.

To delve deeper into Leyla's work challenge, be sure to tune in to episode 4 of GossipPRO Work Unmasked.

The Impact of Gaslighting

Unlike overt bullying, gaslighting is insidiously subtle, capable of eroding self-confidence and pushing individuals to question their self-worth and abilities. It thrives in the workplace's inherent hierarchical structures and power dynamics, often going unnoticed until it's too late. Signs include taking credit for your work, setting unrealistic deadlines, or withholding crucial information, all of which, when repeated, can significantly impact one’s mental well-being.

How to deal with gaslighting in the workplace

• Verify It's Gaslighting: Not every misunderstanding is gaslighting. Recognize the signs, patterns and the subtle manipulations.

• Maintain Emotional Distance: Appreciate genuine praise but remain cautious of manipulation. Keeping an emotional distance helps preserve your sense of self-worth.

• Trust Your Gut: If the praise feels out of place or manipulative, trust your instincts. Your feelings are valid signals, not things to be second-guessed.

• Document Everything: Emails, dates, details. This will be your best defence.

• Find support: You're likely not the only one noticing these behaviours. Find support among your colleagues.

• Practice Self-Care: Dealing with gaslighting can be draining. Make sure to look after your mental and emotional health.

• Speak Up: Sometimes, addressing the behaviour directly can prompt change. If not, it's time to involve HR.

Remember, recognizing gaslighting is the first step towards clearing the air. You deserve a work environment where you feel valued and respected, not questioned and confused.

Legal and Psychological Considerations

Though not always illegal, gaslighting can verge into harassment or discrimination, necessitating organisational intervention to maintain a safe and respectful work environment.

Recognizing and addressing gaslighting is paramount in fostering a healthy workplace. By understanding its signs, impacts, and strategies for intervention, employees and management can work together to mitigate its harmful effects, ensuring a culture of respect, transparency, and integrity.